the dream at the auditorium
the start, that i remember, is i am going with a couple (who are dear friends) to a high profile music event that we are all looking forward to. as we approach the auditorium, the crowd for the event thickens and i become separated from my friends. The immediate problem with this is that i do not have my ticket. The one friend was holding all the tickets.
At first, once i realize i have lost them, I am angry with myself. Why did i not ask for my ticket? Why did i not foresee this chain of events. At the same moment i realize i have been in similar situations before, so i start to strategize.
This auditorium is unfamiliar to me, and huge, more of a classic coliseum design, with many entrances. I quickly discover, the inside is a maze of interior sections that do not intersect with each other. i follow the crowd as it pushes inside, then i split off on a side path (looking for short cut)
i enter a section where i can hear communal chanting down the path, so i follow this path to a main chamber. i enter the chamber at the bottom level, looking up (as in a dark movie theater) to a sort of gut horror that all the people in this chamber have dead eyes, all staring ahead and reciting rote words, words projected on a screen at the front, but there is no soul here. immediately sensing this is not where i want to be, i do an about face and retrace my steps to the main path again. Though this turns out to be more difficult than expected.
The path is continuously winding. When i think i am on the correct path it takes a few minutes before i realize i am not. Unfortunately, i am not the only one on this path, there is a huge crowd of people around me going in different directions. It is impossible for me to tell which are people who are going in the direction i am intending.
At another path divide, i am attracted by a group of young men entering to one side, so i follow them in. more winding, we seem to follow some sort of drumming in the distance, i am judging my time on this path by the increase in volume of the drumming. The “boys” as i see them now are a young enthusiastic group, they excitedly giggle with exuberant talk among themselves. They see me behind and engage me with fantastic stories of mythical proportions, which fills me with expectation momentarily. But by the time we enter the main chamber, on this path, i am noticing details that eluded me initially. The boys all repeat the same phrases, and they all have bad haircuts and shoes. This chamber holds many more like them, all enthusiastic converts without a clue, and…not what i am looking for.
I turn to return and several of the boys are more than helpful, asking to lead me back to the main path. I accept this offer, i accept their genuine fervor for life et al. it just isn’t the reason i came here, and i am trying to devise a better method for finding my friends.
A few minutes later i find another chamber which is rather quiet, i sit to collect my thoughts. i think i can hear the music i am seeking in the distance now, but i can not find the direct path to it, i enjoy listening to the music from my quiet spot for several minutes then get up and try some more paths to find this chamber.
The more i feel lost, the more i think, i should have just stayed in my quiet spot and enjoyed the music from there. I am still traveling paths to the main event, and although the music gets louder and i feel i am getting closer, i also feel like the outsider (why does it take me longer to find the path, than others?) i am in this frame of mind as i wake.